Happy Halloween! I really like this day. I always have. Growing up my mom always had great decorations for the house and made it look so nice. She still does to this day. My neighbor goes a little overboard though. All the way to having a coffin on the lawn!! Yikes...that is scary when I am coming home in the dark....I always think something will jump out at me. haha. I really enjoy scary and suspensful movies. I havent really seen much of them over the past couple years though. Since my movie pal Kurt left....I dont see many movies anymore. We would go like every opening weekend to see movies that we thought we would love. Those were great times...and times that I miss in this Halloween season. Not many people love scary movies....but we did. I do have one problem when it comes to the scary movie thing. My problem is...I enjoy that fear thing when I am with someone at the movies...but when I am alone and outside in the dark....those images and scenes "haunt" me. haha! I like RUN from my car to the house looking from left to right as I approach the door and hurry to put my key in. It has to be so funny to watch! Let me just say that this whole fall back thing causing the sun to be up earlier in the morning has helped me to be less stressful running to my car in the AM. :) I just have to relax and trust that Hannibal Lector or that little girl from the Ring or Freddy Krueger is not coming to get me. Halloween....what a great time of year! I love this scary season!

Anyone up to seeing Saw III?? :)

Wednesday morning thoughts......

I need to take better care of myself. I let myself fall down toward the bottom of the list...and I need to care for my life spiritually and physically. Please pray for me in this area.....this is very important.

I am blessed to have some pretty great girlfriends. It is a joy to have women in my life that I know care about me and are here for me. Thank you ladies. You are my joy.....

I finally get some time with Jordan today. Excited for that.

Kristie H wants to get a place together (me too)....roomates.....of course she wants to live with me....who wouldnt? haha. Though I am not sure I even like living with me. :)

I am a part of the worship team tonight. Great group of people to sing with. The special we are doing is awesome.

I have an A in Spanish right now. Wow. Cant believe that....but I am so excited!! This going to school thing is not easy though. It takes more time outta my life than I want. But I know it is what I need to do.

It is really great that everyday God gives me a do-over. I dont think I always take advantage of that but I am today. I need to slow down enough to let God speak and calm my spirit daily. Each day goes by sooo fast.....but I need to be more present in the moments. Think about what I am thinking about and think about what I am eating. Think about the Joy of the moment.

I have a yummy green apple to eat in the next few hours....with some peanut butter.....yum.

I miss Aaron. Gosh I love that kid.

Stacey and Steve are on vacation. I am sooooo happy for them. Praying for you guys!

Payday tomorrow. :) Greys Anatomy re-run :(

I get to sing some cool things for GOC and I am SOOOO excited! Thank you Lord for good gifts.

I hope I get to be married one day and have kids.

I want to be debt free.

I need a laptop.

Halloween is almost here....which means Thanksgiving is almost here....which means GOC is almost here....which means Christmas is almost here....which means New Years is almost here...which means Isreal is almost here!!!....which means my friend Katie's wedding is almost here!!.....which means I need to slow down....make healthy choices.....and allow God the room and availability to heal me. Lots of great things in life to be thankful for and I dont want to miss a moment feeling insignificant or "not good enough cause I am not thin". That is such a struggle for me. We all have struggles and that is my battle. But I trust God to show me the way.....today.

"What I want to do, I dont do. What I dont want to do, that is what I do." I sure can relate to Paul when he said this. There are moments in my everyday life that I make good choices and then there are moments that I dont. I even find myself making choices that are so habitual that it seems I am out of control when it comes to trying to not make them. I hear myself "reasoning" sometimes. Silly. To be honest...I feel like I have been hiding from God this week. Anyone ever feel that way? I have lots to say and nothing to say at the same time. I find myself in the middle thinking "I just want to escape" and then the other side says "just keep praising Him". Sometimes the rub is right there in the middle. The old way I used to encounter God just doesnt work anymore...and I dont know what the new way is. I mean some of the old ways work...but it isnt filling me. I am not getting a fresh picture. And with the way God has the sun come up in a new and fresh way EVERY DAY ( seems like he is doing a new thing with that ball of fire daily outside my work window)...I know God wants to meet me in fresh ways too. Dont get me wrong there are some great "old" ways of finding God....ways that are very familiar and comforting....but I think I am standing on new ground...God is calling me to a new place. I think it is just like what happened on Monday. My mom and I took Aaron to get new shoes. He was so sad as the lady took off his Elmo shoes and measured him. He was crying so hard and between his DEEP breaths was saying...."Elmo, Elmo". The lady said "2 year olds have a hard time with letting go of their old shoes....this is normal." All the while I was holding him saying "hunny, you can still have your Elmo shoes ....but these are new shoes". (Elmo size 6...new shoes 7 1/2 xtra wide....needed new shoes). What a great picture that God has just brought to me while I was typing that. I think I am like Aaron. God has new "shoes" for me...ones that actaully fit and will be better....but I want my old shoes....they may be tight but I know them. But just like Aaron cried out to keep them....I knew it was time for new shoes. God knows it is time for new shoes for me too. I just need to trust him and take some fresh steps in them. I am not at the stepping part right now....but I have them on...and through the tears and whining...I will begin to walk soon. And just like Aaron did that night, I will not want to take them off AT ALL!

Help me to trust you Lord, like I want Aaron to trust me. Thank you for the gift of that baby. May he LOVE you his whole life. May I walk with you so I can be light to him and his sister. Help me walk.

People, I believe what I just wrote (for me)....is called REVELATION. Thank you Lord. :)

Tuesday morning hurts....I seem to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today. These are some of the thoughts I have.

My muscles ache today. My ankles and back hurt. My chest is a little stressed...like with anxiety or worry.

I am sad about my body condition. Just bummed that I am still stuck in this same place. I feel like the coccoon in which this "butterfly" is stuck will never go away. I need help.

I hate when I wake up and feel bad....and then a friend does or says something that adds to it...and you take too much of it out on them. Even if what they said hurt.

I said I was sorry...no text response....so now I feel extra-bad.....I hate that too.

Why does love hurt so much sometimes?

I have school today and I need to study more. But I dont.

I have so much on my plate right now. And if I didnt have to work...I might enjoy life right now. Good things to do....but work takes my energy and joy sometimes.

I feel bad for complaining when there are people who have real things to feel bad about.

I need to be more of a "walk-away" type person and not so much of a "reactor". I am getting better at this...but still not great.

I need some God time. I need to make some better choices about things I know I NEED to do.

I am thankful for all my girlfriends. All these people popping up outta now where. I have needed you and you are there. Just this morning....Kristie, Kelley and Nancy had already messaged me...and I had emails from Lori and Stacey to read....and all the comments on my last blog....thanks guys. Love you.

As David and Joseph did.....I will PRAISE HIM and Honor God with the rest of my day. I mean it is only 9:00 am...this will turn around. I will forgive myself for the mistakes I have made....and trust God to make things right. Isnt that part of what Dad's are supposed to do? I need you to be that kind of Dad today Lord. And I will sit on your lap...rest and fall asleep. I need that most of all.

Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. Psalm 119:143

Thoughts on a Wednesday afternoon.....

-I am REALLY tired. I have had and still have a very busy week and weekend.

-I am leading worship tonight. What a great privilege....still can't believe God lets me ;)

-Not sure if I will hang with Jordan today....he is in guy/girl pom pom for his homecoming this weekend. haha! I hope I can get up there for the half time show to see that!

-2 days till the Velocity girls all-nighter! I am really looking forward to that...just may need a nap after work to prepare. But sometimes that makes me more tired....wonder why?

-I need to do homework on lunch. Spanish is getting harder. :(

-I wish I didnt have to work all day....half days would be perfect.

-I love Grey's Anatomy.....I love "Dr. McDreamy".....he is so hot

-I have two friends named Kristi/Kristie and their middle name is Lynn/Lyn like mine...Kristi Lynn. haha! (very random thought...I know)

-I would tease Bonnie on here but I wont...even though you didnt call me to hang out Friday! :)....but I was glad to surprise you at Lucky's....and I love you. Your b-day party was a blast!

-hope to talk to Kurt today....

-I love to sleep. I had soup for lunch. I need to drink more water. I am ready to leave. I like to put salt on a lot of things. Well....almost everything. :0)

-God is good. He is so good. I am in awe of that.

-I miss all my "girls".....thank you for your love and friendship...SH, NG, SB, KH, KH, LL, and many more. I love you. I pray for you. God loves you.