Frustration. That is my word for the day. I had a great blog entry going on myspace and here at blogspot...and both times it was deleted by some freak accident. Earlier while at Panera (still here...going on hour 5...haha)...I was on the phone with a tech guy about my anti-virus software I downloaded....cause it keeps acting up...I had to delete it, download it...delete it....and about to download it again when I just cancelled it and got a refund. 2 hours wasted on that. Frustrated. But the positive thing is...got a refund and AOL will now protect me for free. If not....I will throw this gift of laptop out the window. haha! Just kidding! Other than that...it has been a good day. Back to work tomorrow for a short week.....and I have some good things going for the rest of my evenings. I start school up again soon....second part of Spanish to take. I got an A in my class this past semester and I cant believe that! God truly helped me and by his grace and favor (yet again)...I got that grade. I hope 102 goes like that. :) We will see. On a more personal note....I feel like I have a whole in my heart today. I have been very busy and have great people around me....but I have some "things" on my heart. Nothing I am ready to share....(cause I am figuring them out right now).....but I need some quiet time to think. But I find that when I even think or plan to do that....I get frustrated. Just a wierd place right now. But I do know that in 2007....this is one area of my life that I will not be neglecting anymore. I just cant. I use "neglect" in a casual way.....but I just want a deeper walk with God and I have to pursue that. I have some things that I know God and me have to get through.....and I dont want to miss out this new year on the thing that matters most.....healing my heart and seeing God in a new, fresh, intimate way. Some things are going to have to change...some relationships with have to change....I will have to change....but....I want to work at that more than all of the rest of the things that 2007 offers. How can I help people to know that they need God if I am not living a life that speaks of how much I need God? Do I need God? If I do...how am I living that out? How can I sit across from a student talking of his need for God....and me not have that need? We all need to figure out that same thing. In this life of "instant" everything.....and something new to keep our attention at all times.....ask yourself...do you need God? And then see how your life reflects that. Dont just answer yes and move on....but think about it. How do you explain to a 15 or a 16 year old...that has a great house...parents...friends...girlfriend or boyfriend....money in their pocket....new clothes on their back that they have a need for Christ? How? The way I know that I need God right now..sitting here in Panera....is that I have a lot of things and people in my life...and my heart still has a whole in it. The only thing I havent tried today is some time with Jesus....and I know that is the secret. He is the secret....now if I could only figure out how to get back to him. Back to Him in a real way. Not in a "churchy" way or an "emotional" way...but in a real relational way. I have a great need....just not sure the way to let him meet it right now..this day. Hmmmmm......

Random thoughts.....
-I got my grades today....A on my final....A IN MY CLASS! I am so happy about that. I have one more semester of Spanish to take. I hope that my Professor is as good as this past one and grades like her! haha
-Church tonight! SUPER EXCITED! I miss everyone. I get to be on praise team tonight too!! It will be good to see people after what seems like forever.
-Kurt comes home Friday. I hope he has a nice trip home.
-Jordan has a new Christmas CD for sale. If you want one, see me. Only 3.00!! He is so talented and I am so proud of him. I am praying for him to grow in his relationship with Christ and time for God everyday. I just love this kid.
-my poor Kristie H is sick again....I am so sorry hun. I hope you feel better soon.
-Stacey is off work today....I wish I was too....so I could shop and hang with her.
-Sooo looking forward to time off for Christmas and New Years....yeah!
-Is Grey's Anatomy new this week? Patrick is going to be in a movie coming out soon...cant wait to see it.
-I get to sing with Jessica and Stacey and Mark today....Jordan on piano.....Shelly is singing the special and sounds awesome! Wow, we are so blessed at NRC to have people with talent like those I just listed....praise the Lord.
-What am I doing for New Years?
-Love my new laptop....I am on Myspace now...haha
-I am tired.
-Psalm 46 is all I think about these days....great words! Check it out.

Well I am gonna take a nap.... :) Peace!

I may be one of the only ones.....but I miss GOC. It is a lot of time and energy poured out but the relationships and joy of serving with so many people far outweighs all that. I have to give a shout out to my buddy Stewart...who plays Jesus. (Mike Gregg does too....but not in the part I am going to talk about....Mike is the Crucified Christ....and does an AMAZING JOB!). But Stewart blesses me so much in the "Healing Scene". It all started last year at GOC. I was standing in my spot with the choir....watching "Jesus" talk to the disciples....and he looked at me. Though just for a moment....he actually LOOKED at me. I swear it was like Christ paused for a moment in the midst of all that was going on and gave me his attention. It made my eyes water....and I was so thankful. The next day in the same scene...he did it again. This time God used Stewart in that costume (which makes him look so much what I would envision Christ to look like) to speak to me deeply. It was as if God was saying....I havent forgot about you. I "see" you in this huge group of people....I see YOU Kristi. You are that important to me. Stewart did that every concert and it has become something he has done ever since then. It is a special thing between us. I think it is even just cool that Stewart remembers to look at me.....he knows how special it is to me. Some people in the choir may see me as being silly (and some people reading this may too)...but I cannot tell you how much I love that time with Christ. Even if it is just a regular guy dressed up as him. In my mind I dream of it being Jesus....and I like it that way. This year, in the second weekend, I came down out of the choir to be in the crowd. I was not only able to have him look at me but stop and shake my hand. What a sweet thing.

GOC may be over.....but I want to stay in this place with Christ. I have had some "re-starts" with God the past couple days. I have spent some time reading and praying....just "hanging" with God. It is something I have missed so much. Please pray for me to keep pressing in and pursuing God. He pursues me and I want to be caught.

Thank you Stewart for another special year. I cant even explain to you (tears in my eyes as I type) what these simple acts mean to me. Thank you. I am praying for you....your fabulous wife and sweet daughter. I just know God has great plans for you. And some of those plans include being a HUGE BLESSING to me. Love you bud.....

Chrismas is almost here....and I need somewhere to spend Christmas day. Anybody want me? No joke. I will bring a great dish to pass and maybe even a dessert. Defintiely lots of laughs. Anyone?

Same day.....2nd entry....December 7th, 2006
One thing that is on my mind. Today is the day that Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. It is a day to remember the people that died the day when we were bombed. First attack on American Soil. In my lifetime who wouldve thought we wouldve experienced a day like 9-11....and to the people in Pearl Harbor that was a 9-11 to them. To see those planes flying overhead and bombing was probably unbelievable. I am a patriot. I love the United States. When I went to Australia this year...while I had a great time and had a "dream-come-true" trip....it was my favorite thing to see when I arrived back in LA the sign that said "Welcome to the United States". (I took a picture of it and it is the last pic in my photo album.) I love this country....and I love the soldiers past and present that gave/give their lives for our safety. I think with all that is going on in the world....I just want them home. I want the President to bring them home. I prayed for George W this morning and the soldiers. I cant imagine what is must be like to be a soldier in Iraq right now. My heart aches. All the people that have died and all the money spent....I am just sad. I know this is a heated topic...and I will continue to pray and trust my leader,George,....but I want him to make the right decision. I care about him alot...even if I dont agree with everything he says or does. But with our economy the way it is....and with the cost of a war that we are dealing with....and people losing jobs.....Michigan in the financial place it is.....I am TOTALLY FRUSTRATED and TICKED that we are sending another space shuttle to space. How do we have the money for that....and if we do....lets cut that budget and send the soldiers what they need to get the job done there and come home. Or even help people who are dealing with the Katrina disaster. A space mission? Is it really necessary? NO. It isnt. Oh man....it makes me so mad!!!!!!!! haha. I love this country but I sure dont always understand it.

Totally random entry I know.