"What I want to do, I dont do. What I dont want to do, that is what I do." I sure can relate to Paul when he said this. There are moments in my everyday life that I make good choices and then there are moments that I dont. I even find myself making choices that are so habitual that it seems I am out of control when it comes to trying to not make them. I hear myself "reasoning" sometimes. Silly. To be honest...I feel like I have been hiding from God this week. Anyone ever feel that way? I have lots to say and nothing to say at the same time. I find myself in the middle thinking "I just want to escape" and then the other side says "just keep praising Him". Sometimes the rub is right there in the middle. The old way I used to encounter God just doesnt work anymore...and I dont know what the new way is. I mean some of the old ways work...but it isnt filling me. I am not getting a fresh picture. And with the way God has the sun come up in a new and fresh way EVERY DAY ( seems like he is doing a new thing with that ball of fire daily outside my work window)...I know God wants to meet me in fresh ways too. Dont get me wrong there are some great "old" ways of finding God....ways that are very familiar and comforting....but I think I am standing on new ground...God is calling me to a new place. I think it is just like what happened on Monday. My mom and I took Aaron to get new shoes. He was so sad as the lady took off his Elmo shoes and measured him. He was crying so hard and between his DEEP breaths was saying...."Elmo, Elmo". The lady said "2 year olds have a hard time with letting go of their old shoes....this is normal." All the while I was holding him saying "hunny, you can still have your Elmo shoes ....but these are new shoes". (Elmo size 6...new shoes 7 1/2 xtra wide....needed new shoes). What a great picture that God has just brought to me while I was typing that. I think I am like Aaron. God has new "shoes" for me...ones that actaully fit and will be better....but I want my old shoes....they may be tight but I know them. But just like Aaron cried out to keep them....I knew it was time for new shoes. God knows it is time for new shoes for me too. I just need to trust him and take some fresh steps in them. I am not at the stepping part right now....but I have them on...and through the tears and whining...I will begin to walk soon. And just like Aaron did that night, I will not want to take them off AT ALL!

Help me to trust you Lord, like I want Aaron to trust me. Thank you for the gift of that baby. May he LOVE you his whole life. May I walk with you so I can be light to him and his sister. Help me walk.

People, I believe what I just wrote (for me)....is called REVELATION. Thank you Lord. :)