Miscommunication. This has to be the single most difficult thing when it comes to relationships. I have been both misunderstood and have misunderstood others. A couple blogs ago I mentioned that I was "made for relationships....lot of relationships".....and in being made for that I guess I need to be made for and have to deal with the issues and miscommunications that happen in relationships. Good relationships dont come seperate from "issues". But isnt it funny how we run from the "issues"? I think I run for several reasons. Sometimes it brings out things in myself that I dont like....insecurites or hurts, sometimes it is out of surprise that "this person" would hurt me, or sometimes it is just cause I am tired of having to go down the same road again and again with a person. Relationships are life....but man they can feel like death sometimes. haha. I think for me...I am someone that loves with my whole being and if you are in my inner circle or front row of life (like Stacey has talked about in her blogs)...I really get so involved with their life and loving so much...that when they hurt me it is the deepest kind of wound. Especially with words. Words cut so deep. And I know I have a "blessing and curse" with my words. It comes with how God has wired me. I love to speak words of encouragement and life...and I believe God has gifted me that way. Nothing better than that. Nothing better than standing in registration at Rustproof and see this young girl or guy walk by that doesnt make eye contact and looks so uncomfortable and say "Wow...I love your shirt" and see them light up and walk in the room with their head a little higher. But the "curse" can happen when I say something in sarcasm or even without thinking and I hurt people. And with the influence God allows me and the great relationships I have...I can blow it too. And it sucks to be hurt or hurt people. Sometimes you can "get it right" right away and sometimes, depending on the relationship, it needs time before things cool down. Even in "getting it right" you just hope things can return to the way they were. But the truth is....sometimes with these close relationships....they dont. So that is why it must say in the Bible so much about our "tongue" or words. They really are life and death. I have a lot of room to grow in all this....and I believe God is changing me for the better. I pray that God can allow me the grace that I need to change....and I pray that he gives me the grace to forgive others when they hurt me too.

The other day I read something that encouraged my soul and inspired me. It has not left my mind...so I decided to put it out here. Even if it is only for me. Words of wisdom and encouragment from Darlene Zschech, Worship Pastor of Hillsong Church....that I found in the inside cover of their newest CD Mighty to Save. "Jesus said "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden" And with this in mind, we raise the volume from the inside out, worshipping with all we are, with all we have, for he alone is worthy of all honour and praise. So be encouraged friend, whatever situation or season you are in today, our God is MIGHTY TO SAVE, always has been, always will be. Make the choice today to continue to lift up your head, and lift up your voice, and bring a sacrifice of praise. You just never know what miracles lie on the other side of your obedience."

I have so much on my heart today. I had some hard things happen yesterday....just a bunch of small things that hurt my heart. But just like Joseph in the Bible (thanks boo) and Darlene put in that CD.....I will await my miracles that lie on the other side of my obedience. Please Abba Father...Daddy....speak. Restore me to health and heal my wounds.....

I am a college student again. I am attending The University of Michigan in Dearborn. My plan and what I feel God is leading me to become is a junior high school teacher. I love students and I would love to spend my life loving them and helping them succeed. It is such a blessing getting to be in Rustproof and even quite a bit lately...I have been able to help in Velocity leading worship and helping with the sleepovers that my friend Kristi (Great name, huh?!?) is in charge of. I know I wasnt created to sit at a computer all day....I was created for relationships. Lots of relationships. And God has entrusted me to get to be in student relationships. :) And that is awesome! So...in school, I am only taking one class to start...and that class is.....SPANISH. Haha! I have to take 2 semesters of it to fulfill a university requirement. :( I had my first test yesterday and I think it went well. I know a couple of places that I might not have gotten right...but overall I think it will be a good grade. It is definitely hard learning a foreign language....but I think I will do well. So, if I happen to come to mind...please pray for me. Yesterday I was nervous before this test but then I just said..."Ok Holy Spirit....you live in me....and you know Spanish....so please help me to know Spanish." And there was definitely a couple times that I know He helped me. :) My mind was a complete blank and when I came back to it....I knew it! Amen! So I am a college student....at least I can pay a student rate again at the movies. Any one up for a movie? Call me...I havent been in awhile and I am going through withdrawals. I used to go almost every weekend. So...call me and we will go. :)

Good weekend ahead. I unfortunately have to work tomorrow (but the money is nice)....Carrie and Scott's baby dedication!! YEAH GOD! Sunday, church....and my last week at Elements in Royal Oak. If you dont have any plans...come on over to the Comedy Castle in Royal Oak at 7:00 on Sunday....a final farewell!

Be encouraged and keep your eyes to the hills...where your TRUE help comes from. Psalm 121

I had a busy but pretty great weekend. I got to keep my sweet Aaron over this weekend. Gotta love to hear a kid saying words for the first time and all his funny faces. I just love him. I had to sing at the church for a bit on Friday...then came home and watched tv with the 2 year old. We went to sleep about 11:00....he in the play-pen and me in my bed. He woke up about 6:30...I got him something to drink and then we went back to sleep till 8:15. I prayed that God would help me watch the baby this weekend...cause I kind of felt like how a single parent must feel. Lots of work and you need more than one set of eyes. He is a very good boy though. We hung at the house and then headed to NRC for the grand opening of the UNDERGROUND. Very cool place...tons of room for the students. We adult leaders sure appreciate it cause we have been like sardines in room 129 forever. It was a great weekend...including Josh hanging from his feet and escaping a straight-jacket! He gave a great message about sin and being in a prison...how our sin was put on Christ like that jacket..Jesus die but broke free from death to save us. Very impacting and great analogy by Josh. Awesome to share that Truth to the 500+ students that came. It was so wild to have 280 on Saturday night! It was great. After church, Aaron and I went to his grandma/my aunts house for a b-day celebration...then home to bed. I had to be at church all day so he stayed at home with my mom....I had RP then Choir then RP leaders party then Elements. Very tired when I got home....but it was good. Today I will meet with my soul-care partner and I am happy for that. Cant wait to see her. I need to see her. God has been showing me some wholes in my heart lately.....and I will be glad to talk to her and pray with her. It is so important to have accountability and a spiritual "partner" in this life. Someone that helps you deal with your past and present through the eyes and heart of God. It has helped me alot. Even just to have a brighter outlook...with the hope of healing....helps me. The dark that I feel at times....has the healing mercy and compassion of Christ all over it. I have had some new moments with God lately....just him and me like old times...and it has been nice. I am such a planner with things and people....always looking ahead....but that is sometimes at the cost of the present. The daily. I need to be more about day by day. And I am doing that...slowly. It is the small decisions that I can just run past....but in life....it is all those small decisions put together that forms my present circumstances and even my future. I need to take it with God...one day, one decision at a time. That is hard for me.

So when you call I wont refuse....each new day again I'll choose. There is no one else for me....none but Jesus....crucified to set me free....now I live to bring Him praise.
(None But Jesus....Hillsong-Mighty to Save)

Tuesday, September 11th 2006. It is hard to believe that it has been 5 years since that horrible day happpened. My heart is heavy and it makes me sad. As I have said before in a previous blog....this day affected me huge. I am sure it did most people...I guess in my own head....it was harder on me and I wasnt even "directly" involved and didnt have anyone in my life die that day. But as an American I feel I was truly "there". After being evacuated from our buildings and crying all the way home and over the next few days....I realized how scared I was. Scared for this country....scared for Americans. With all the movies that are out now and through the book that I read about it....it is crazy to think that the government knew things about this and just didnt act. I dont think it was out of malice...but denial. I dont think anyone ever thought that kind of thing would happen on our own soil. I know it did in Hawaii....but the "mainland"? It still just makes me confused and sad. To think we were evacuated in Southfield Michigan and the people in the South tower were told to return to their workstations after the building RIGHT NEXT to them was hit with a plane?!?! I dont get it. Work cannot be that important. I think in the aftermath of this day.....we all need to look at our lives and find any place that we are personally in denial. Where are you (and me) aware of things that need to change...both in health and spiritually....but dont want to put the effort forth to change? Where is there even a small amount of awareness that something bad is going to happen if we dont change now? What is that thing you dont want to deal with so you push it down real deep and still know it affects how you live daily? We just need to face those things....before something we couldve hopefully prevented happens. We do not face them alone...we have God and each other. Just something to think about on this special and heart-felt day.

Remember to pray for the families today....pray for our President and government today. Pray for Americans today. And forever. Please God....bless America.

I had the privilege to lead worship last night...and seriously...it is a pure joy for me. Finding where you are called to serve and doing that...is where life begins. I love to be able to see the people of God in worship...I have the best seat in the house when it comes to that. haha! Last night we sang a new song that I just love. I dont even think the CD is out at the stores yet. The song is called "At the Cross" and it will be on the newest Hillsong CD called Mighty To Save. It was a double blessing...because I was able to be in Australia the night they recorded this CD....fell in love with the song then....and being able to lead it out last night was an honor. I am still in awe that God would bless me with that trip. Truly a trip of a lifetime. To see Hillsong Church and to be in the room when they recorded their CD..well....wow!! Thank you Lord. I can never say it enough. I think what I love about Hillsong so much is their passion and just sense of "awe" they have for God. You can sense their love for God. When they were at NRC a couple years ago....the presence of God was so full in the room the night of the worship concert....I was so moved. I have learned a lot from Darlene. I have grown through their music in HUGE ways. My heart and "song" has been truly changed by them....by God in them. And that is why I will ever be thankful for the privilege and gift of getting to go. Thank you Jim....thank you for the "over and above" gift of Australia. Who does stuff like that for people? Your generosity taught me and still teaches me everyday.

Never underestimate what God wants to do in your life. Keep expecting God to bless you in ways you cant think or imagine. He is so much bigger than we know. Step out in faith and watch the God if the universe make your dreams reality.

At the Cross....
O Lord you've searched me, you know my way
even when I fail you...I know you love me.
Your Holy Presence, surrounding me
in every season.....I know you love me.

At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me,
Theres no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave, your glory fills the highest place,
What can seperate me now?

You go before me, you shield my way
Your hand upholds me...and I know you love me

At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me,
Theres no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave, your glory fills the highest place,
What can seperate me now?

You tore the veil, you made a way, when you said that "it is done"
You tore the veil, you made a way, when you said that "it is done"

And when the Earth fades, falls from my eyes....
You stand before me....I know you love me....yes....I know you love me

At the cross I bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me
Theres no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave, your glory fills the highest place
What can seperate me now?

You tore the veil, you made a way, when you said that "it is done"
You tore the veil, you made a way, when you said that "it is done"

Right now I am hanging at Lori's house after an amazing dinner that was made for me. (THANKS LORI) We are just having a nice evening in. I had a really busy day. I am officially a University of Michigan student. YEAH! I start next Thursday. Pray for me as I go back into the world of school. My plan is that in the next few years I will be graduating as a teacher. It will be my honor to love young people and help them succeed in the world. God will have me doing a mighty work in public schools. I also went to get an oil change and to get a loan at the bank and did wash and cleaned. LOTS of things on my day off. So I got to Lori's and she said I had another "comment" on my blog. I just finished reading it and I hope things can just get to normal soon out here in blog land. Just for the record, I realized with a friends help (thanks again boo) that the wheel chair thing couldve been taken wrong...and that was NEVER my intention. I was just sharing my night at the church. NO ONE involved was thinking we would hurt someone with our actions. That doesnt mean someone couldnt have had an issue with it. I am truly sorry if that bothered "anonymous". It was just something we did and it didnt hurt ANYONE there that night. But I can see where that can come from. Totally not intended. Ok...second. There is so much written in the last the comment...I probably cant hit it all. So I will say a coupe things. I get that some people can seem "unapproachable" but I never want to seem that way. I think it best if at all possible that the things that are being written about could be talked about with me. I would love to fix them and talk about it in person cause it cant be completely addressed here. We cant hear each other or truly know the way the words are being said. Just so you know me a little better.....I am a work in progress like most people. God is constantly speaking to me and changing me. There is so much that needs to be healed and fixed. God is so faithful and is my loving best friend. I am so much further along than even a year ago...but so much is to come. I am more than a singer or worship leader. It is a high privilege I have that I dont take lightly. I know that "to whom much is given much is required" and I need to honor God with my whole life...on and off the stage. This is something I try to do DAILY. This stuff isnt something I "put on"...it is who I am. I want to be authentic in all areas of my life...from singing to leading students...to friends...and to God. I have many people to hold me accountable and I get challenged and pushed further in my faith....everything is not a "pat on the back" and praises about my singing. I dont want there to be this illusion of some "perfect life" or only good things being said to me...that is not reality. There is so much of my life that is so not that way. I am blessed for sure....even with just health and MUCH MUCH more that we all take for granted....but it is not all praise from everyone. As for my friends and all their comments....while I was actually surprised people came out to say anything in my defense....I think it best for all of us to be careful with our words. No matter what, we are accountable and we are to only say what is useful for building the body. I truly didnt have a problem with the "wheelchair" comment....it was the not signing it that I struggle with. I know anonymous from before appologized...and I just kinda thought that because of where that went....that kind of thing would stop. I was out of town when that happened and I followed what I felt like the Lord said to me and said nothing about it. The apology had been written and I accepted it. There were possible valid points written...but since I didnt know who wrote it...I couldnt speak to what that person had been through. I am sure that sometimes it can look like the PT is only friends with each other...but I dont feel like I am like that. I have plenty of friends that are not on PT and they are very close friends. Probably my closest friend Stacey is on PT but we actually got close from a Bible Study offered by Oxygen back in the day...not music. Nancy and I have become better friends in the last year...and we have sung for years together. Just like when I am in RustProof leading....I hang with and go out with them....cause we spend SOOO much time togther. Anytime you are on the "front lines" doing ministry with people you get closer to them then normal. Kinda like at GOC time...we all get so close...and sometimes it stays that way and sometimes it doesnt. But ultimatley....if I knew who that person was...I wouldve loved to sit and talk and help get some clarafication to that. Maybe some people seem that way...but maybe that is just how it "seems". We are just serving there....and growing to love the Lord....one day at a time. But this kind of thing has to be talked about face to face. So hard on something like this. Even if I seem hard to talk to...Stacey or Nancy??....I dont think they seem that way. And lastly...I just think this doesnt edify the body...it is seeming to cause more of an issue than anything. I am NOT against "correction" but I need to know that the person is really for helping me...not just saying things without knowing me or being "for" me. This is why I have to believe the Bible does say come to one another. There is nothing in there that says you have to be outspoken to speak up. That is why we even have the option to bring someone with us in confrontation. No one is exempt from having to go to a person when they have an issue. Do I think anonymous comments will end on this blog...probably not...but I sure hope that people will feel more open to talk to me....and that my friends will read any of this and think before we act or speak. We all need to stop judging and start loving and truly only say what builds each other up. I will never be perfect in this blog or life...I promise you I will mess up....but I promise....the Lord will let me know...and I want to be more like him than I want to please anyone. Thanks for your comments....and please....if you ever feel at all like coming to me....I promise I wont bite. I am really softer then I come across at times. I love hugs. God bless...and have a great weekend everyone.