Frustration. That is my word for the day. I had a great blog entry going on myspace and here at blogspot...and both times it was deleted by some freak accident. Earlier while at Panera (still here...going on hour 5...haha)...I was on the phone with a tech guy about my anti-virus software I downloaded....cause it keeps acting up...I had to delete it, download it...delete it....and about to download it again when I just cancelled it and got a refund. 2 hours wasted on that. Frustrated. But the positive thing is...got a refund and AOL will now protect me for free. If not....I will throw this gift of laptop out the window. haha! Just kidding! Other than that...it has been a good day. Back to work tomorrow for a short week.....and I have some good things going for the rest of my evenings. I start school up again soon....second part of Spanish to take. I got an A in my class this past semester and I cant believe that! God truly helped me and by his grace and favor (yet again)...I got that grade. I hope 102 goes like that. :) We will see. On a more personal note....I feel like I have a whole in my heart today. I have been very busy and have great people around me....but I have some "things" on my heart. Nothing I am ready to share....(cause I am figuring them out right now).....but I need some quiet time to think. But I find that when I even think or plan to do that....I get frustrated. Just a wierd place right now. But I do know that in 2007....this is one area of my life that I will not be neglecting anymore. I just cant. I use "neglect" in a casual way.....but I just want a deeper walk with God and I have to pursue that. I have some things that I know God and me have to get through.....and I dont want to miss out this new year on the thing that matters most.....healing my heart and seeing God in a new, fresh, intimate way. Some things are going to have to change...some relationships with have to change....I will have to change....but....I want to work at that more than all of the rest of the things that 2007 offers. How can I help people to know that they need God if I am not living a life that speaks of how much I need God? Do I need God? If I do...how am I living that out? How can I sit across from a student talking of his need for God....and me not have that need? We all need to figure out that same thing. In this life of "instant" everything.....and something new to keep our attention at all times.....ask yourself...do you need God? And then see how your life reflects that. Dont just answer yes and move on....but think about it. How do you explain to a 15 or a 16 year old...that has a great house...parents...friends...girlfriend or boyfriend....money in their pocket....new clothes on their back that they have a need for Christ? How? The way I know that I need God right now..sitting here in Panera....is that I have a lot of things and people in my life...and my heart still has a whole in it. The only thing I havent tried today is some time with Jesus....and I know that is the secret. He is the secret....now if I could only figure out how to get back to him. Back to Him in a real way. Not in a "churchy" way or an "emotional" way...but in a real relational way. I have a great need....just not sure the way to let him meet it right now..this day. Hmmmmm......