I have said before that relationships are life. I love people and I love the relationships that I have and I welcome more....but man can they HURT. I have this struggle at work with a friend. I really care about her and I have known her for about 8 years. We have a great time with each other and everyone needs that at work. The weird thing is...there are times I feel like she competes with me or wants to show out for people. She is about 7 years older than me....and wants to put this attitude out there that she has it all together and like anybody knows....none of us have it all together. The other day some girls in my unit and I were having a fun time playing back and forth mostly at my expense (haha) and then this girl says something under her breath to another girl (something I had told them in light humor about myself earlier in the day from my childhood) but now she is meaning it rude and making fun of me. I told her that was rude and that I wouldnt do that to her if she shared something like that with me. She said I was laughing when I told her and I am being too sensitive. And that is true that I was being sensitive but she was making fun of it now and saying it loud enough for others in the unit to hear and I didnt tell but now they were intrigued to know. I told her not to say anything to them. Well...needless to say that was like a week ago and she isnt really talking to me. I am not really talking to her either. Other than work conversations and light stuff. I am sure she is putting an attitude toward me and blaming me. I think that is totally ridiculous because she is the one that made fun of the info I shared with her....all I did was tell her to stop and not share that. That is ALL I said....and she will just be in denial in her own head that I am the problem. It so surprises me how we as people can just get something in our head about others and never NEVER think WE could be the issue. I am seeing that so vivid in this sitation. I guess it is better to not be as close to her....but I just dont like it to be this way. I am disappointed with her and I feel insecure in this cause it makes me feel like I am not worth her just coming and talking to me and saying she is sorry. I thought we were better friends that that. But in her head I dont think she thinks she did anything wrong. I am just "too sensitive". And the funny part is that if anyone knows me....I am sarcastic and I give it so I better be able to take it....but I also know that if someone shares something personal and it would be rude to make fun of it regardless of how that person shared it....I wouldnt make fun of that. And if I ever have....and I realized I hurt the person with my words...I go and make it right. With this girl, I seem to always be the one to make things right with us and I am not the one that did anything this time....why should I have to go to her again? I am just gonna have to let her go. I cant keep putting my heart in and get it hurt over and over. Sometimes it is better to just make a new boundary even if we would rather not.

Work relationships are hard. While I dont hang out with them outside of work like some of them do with each other and I really dont have the desire to....everyone needs some good pals at the workplace and I feel like I just dont have that. That is really hard and makes being at work hard. Work is hard enough without having issues with people that you dont hang out with but have to spend 8 hours EVERY day with. Makes me sad to be here.....maybe not sad.....but weighs very heavy on me.

Oh well....I just gotta be thankful I have a job and thankful that I can keep my radio on and just do my work. But for a person that loves people and relationships....this is rough. If you read this...send out a prayer for me today. :) thanks!