Thoughts on a Monday afternoon.....
-Sadness over my friend Ed Horn....waiting to see when God will take him home. Praying for Kelley and the kids...and his mom and family. What a great man and a great faith. Watching them and being able to be a part of this private journey (that they let anyone be a part of) is life changing. What a great testimony they have. Oh God....have your will and cover over them...
-praying for the Rustproof camp. The team left today. I will leave on Wednesday. Praying for their safety as they travel. Apparently there is some crazy person shooting cars on the espressway in Indiana...and of course that is where they are driving to. I guess with this Ed stuff the past couple days....it makes me a little more prone to worry. Not worry so much as the idea that we never know when we will loose someone we love. A good portion of my heart is traveling down there (meaning people I love a lot) and I am praying for their safety. I am sure nothing will happen but I am sensitive to it today. Why would someone shoot random people anyway? I mean not that anyone should shoot anybody but innocent people driving?? Gosh, we sure live in a crazy world.
-I had a great time leading at NRC this weekend. Singing the special was a blast too. I even got to sing in Velocity last night. Jimmy invited me to sing for the worship with him. Then I did a special with Jordan. Called I AM. What a great song. Love God being called Redeemer. That has stuck out for me the past couple days.
-It is a good day...but a "deep" day.....lots on my mind. In the light of things going on....most of it doesnt matter. But the things going on....are hard to take. My heart is heavy.
-God is good. God is faithful. So I will have faith in God. And I am so thanful that He is in charge. Of Lord how we need you. I love you.
Hillsong/Rueben Morgan song comes to mind....
Jesus, I believe in you, Jesus, I belong to you. You're the reason that I live, the reason that I sing, with all I am.
He is the reason that I sing with all I am. You alone are the reason, Jesus.
-Sadness over my friend Ed Horn....waiting to see when God will take him home. Praying for Kelley and the kids...and his mom and family. What a great man and a great faith. Watching them and being able to be a part of this private journey (that they let anyone be a part of) is life changing. What a great testimony they have. Oh God....have your will and cover over them...
-praying for the Rustproof camp. The team left today. I will leave on Wednesday. Praying for their safety as they travel. Apparently there is some crazy person shooting cars on the espressway in Indiana...and of course that is where they are driving to. I guess with this Ed stuff the past couple days....it makes me a little more prone to worry. Not worry so much as the idea that we never know when we will loose someone we love. A good portion of my heart is traveling down there (meaning people I love a lot) and I am praying for their safety. I am sure nothing will happen but I am sensitive to it today. Why would someone shoot random people anyway? I mean not that anyone should shoot anybody but innocent people driving?? Gosh, we sure live in a crazy world.
-I had a great time leading at NRC this weekend. Singing the special was a blast too. I even got to sing in Velocity last night. Jimmy invited me to sing for the worship with him. Then I did a special with Jordan. Called I AM. What a great song. Love God being called Redeemer. That has stuck out for me the past couple days.
-It is a good day...but a "deep" day.....lots on my mind. In the light of things going on....most of it doesnt matter. But the things going on....are hard to take. My heart is heavy.
-God is good. God is faithful. So I will have faith in God. And I am so thanful that He is in charge. Of Lord how we need you. I love you.
Hillsong/Rueben Morgan song comes to mind....
Jesus, I believe in you, Jesus, I belong to you. You're the reason that I live, the reason that I sing, with all I am.
He is the reason that I sing with all I am. You alone are the reason, Jesus.
posted by Kristi Kurtz @ Monday, July 24, 2006
12 Comments:
At 9:04 PM ,
Scott Donnelly said...
My heart is heavy too... thanks for sharing your heart.
At 10:22 AM ,
NancyJane said...
KK. I'm so glad that I sent you the text messages regarding Ed on Saturday. I didn't know that you were leading worship. I'm glad that God used Ed's condition to draw you closer to Him as you were leading. I have had so many thoughts and feelings about this whole thing. It has taken me back a few years to when my Dad passed away. My heart is really hurting now for Kelley and the kids. I do know that God will see them through. I don't know how, but He will.
At 2:18 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I read your blogs and am touched by the demonstration of your love, friendship and most importantly: FAITH! However, saddened that you are all sooooooo exclusive! The whole "Praise Team" @ NRC is a family indeed, but just to each other and no one else is ever allowed in (unless of course, they are deemed "cool or hip enough" by y'all &/or Paul B.)!
Please don't be offended, hurt or feel you have to put up defenses, by no means the purpose of this it to attack. It's just a commentary deep from the heart, based on how many feel and have shared, but never feel free enough to let you know without being judged.
You all have amazing talents and gifts that have and will continue to be used by God to bless others, but there's a lot of growth that still needs to take place in order to make others (the ones you bless) feel accepted and at times "included!" Yes, the voices are beautiful and the "worship" performance is perfect, but what is really in the heart? The legitimacy of doing it all as a "service" unto the Lord is demonstrated by the "none-stage" performance and the "Jesus" testimony which should still be the farthest thing away from Broadway. Nothing wrong with excellence in art and style, but it looses it's merit if it's under the name of the "All Inclusive Savior", yet it only includes a few. Many have come and gone away, after reaching out to you and have also given up trying to use their gifts as part of the creative arts team, after finding out that the mouth speaks one thing (the often mentioned statement that we are all a big family, sounds great in words but even better when it's truly practiced) but the clicks do exist very strongly indeed and the often mentioned "Heart in Art" in it's truest form, cannot be fully present in the midst of so many limitations!
Love to all & just peaceful contemplation in the spirit (not defensive emotions) on all of the above, humbly shared from the heart!
At 6:53 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hey Kristi Kurtz!
Just want you to know that you did awesome Saturday! Jesus used you to carry us to a point with Him when our hearts were quite heavy. What an awesome experience it is to worship Him when we're in the valley knowing He has everything under control, even when we don't understand. What an awesome Savior,Abba,Friend! Thank you for your heart! Like I told Stacey and Nancy, I'm sorry about the comments that were posted on your sites. Please don't believe the lies of the enemy. He's only trying to discourage and make your hearts heavier. I've known you for years, and I know your heart. Thank you for giving it over and over and over to Jesus to use in a mighty way. Keep believing His truth and fly, my love! xo
Lori
At 12:11 AM ,
Anonymous said...
Dear Anonymous,
Do the Body of Christ a favor...don't leave those sort of comments unless you're able to make them face-to-face. Speaking as someone who has known Kristi and many from the NRC Praise Team since 97'...they aren't exculsive, and I'm quite sure if they knew who you were, and knew you felt that way would attempt to connect with you. I wasnt apart of praise team when Kristi be-friended me...so I'm living proof your charges are invalid. Are you willing to accept that God's role for Kristi and the others on the praise team might not be to minister to you relationally and just through their music?
sigh... the line into hell gets longer each and everyday and we spend most of our time complaining about how we wish things to be.
At 6:38 AM ,
NancyJane said...
Kristi, Anonymous posted the same post on my blog. I am so sorry because I know what was said is the farthest thing from what you are all about. Here is my response:
Anonymous,
Wow. I am really sorry that you feel that way. I will have to admit that I have many close friends from the praise team, we spend a lot of time together and support eachother a lot with our prayers. The praise team becomes a small group for many of us, much like the church encourages people to become involved in. By no means do I feel that this makes us exclusive. I have many other close friends...some from choir, some from my Sunday School class, and some from outside the church. I can assure you that being on the Praise Team is not a pre-requisite for having a relationship with me and I truly don't believe any other praise team member either. I know most of the people on Praise Team pretty well and I know that it would not be thier intention to make anyone feel that way. If it were possible to know and have a close relationship with everyone at NorthRidge, wouldn't we all? Everyone has people that they are drawn to, that they become close to. Life lends itself to that. People you spend more time with and have the opportunity to share more with become closer to you and share more with you. It is a good reminder for us to be very careful of how we act and not to be exclusive. I can assure you that those I know on the Praise Team have the "heart" that you speak of. A true heart for God, for people, and for worship. Please don't misunderstand our need for community and close relationships. It is the same need that everyone else has. Don't put us on a pedestal because we happen to be on stage. We are just people, like everyone else. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me, and I don't judge you. Like you said we should all be free to share with eachother in this way. If I have personally made you feel this way, I would really like to know who you are and talk with you about it. God bless.
At 2:33 PM ,
Anonymous said...
I have to echo one of Nancy's words...."Wow". I have been anxiously reading Krisi's blog ever since she invited me in to share. I have come to eagerly await her entries, as they are so obviously written from the heart. I can honestly say the words always inspire me...sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes cry, but always make me remember why it is that I love her. All I can say to "Anonymous" is to remember that we are all human, full of flaws and imperfections. If the Praise Team were to consist of people who never slip, the Praise Team would be non-existent, as would the choir. Personally speaking, it is often difficult to be a part of this team, as you do many times feel scrutinized. I don't agree that you have to be "deemed cool enough or hip enough" to be a part of this team. Yes, vocal ability is most important, but having a heart for God is equally as important and I truly believe that everyone on this team has that. I will say that I DO agree with the comment "a lot of growth still needs to take place"....of course it does. As God's people, we will never stop growing until the day we are sent to Heaven. Only at this time will we be judged...not here on earth by others who feel the need to do so. It is also true that we ARE a big family, and even in big families the so-called "clicks" tend to form. Not intentionally or maliciously, but because it is human nature to draw towards others that you feel a connection with. This doesn't mean that you are shutting anyone out, but not all levels of friendships are the same. By being on a "team", you will ultimately become closer to those individuals merely due to the fact that you spend more time with them and share a common interest. Unfortunately, it only takes one "bad day" to offend a person unintentionally. If this happens, it puts a bad taste in the "receiver's" mouth. This is unfortunate, because in a world filled with stress and heartache, it is so easy to walk by someone without acknowledging them, or to be so wrapped up in your own life's troubles that you inadvertantly dismiss someone, or maybe you just plain don't see them...all of these things can lead a person to believe you are "unapproachable", and it really only takes one instance to create this perception. I guess I should close this entry...I had not wanted to respond at all, but my head and my heart were telling me that I had to....not to "defend", but to voice my opinion just as anonymous did. I am saddened that whoever you are feels this way...you've obviously been hurt or offended in some way, but unfortunately, conveying your thoughts in an anonymous post will never provide any closure. Speaking for myself (and probably others), I yearn to reach out to to you and offer my regret for how you feel.
At 3:51 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hey baby! As everyone knows, I have something to say about everything!! LOL! I posted this same message on Stacey's blog, so don't be offended that it was mass-produced and not written specifically for your site!! [winks]
Here's my opinion: I can't stand to see several people from a team that I love so dearly feel insecure, offended, or ashamed for anything that they have done because of an anonymous accusation of exclusivity. I, of course, had to read this blog, once I heard about it. My initial response was to defend myself and my teammates, but after prayerful deliberation, have decided that it is not necessary. After the posting of this message, I watched as teammates (who have, indeed, become some of my closest friends in this world) became cautious, defensive, and even ashamed that they have been accused of being or doing something that is so far from the truth. The accusation that they are (or I am) unapproachable or exclusive is so ridiculous that I can't even believe that any one of us "bought the lie" and were willing to entertain it.
I, as well as every member of this team, serve in other ministries at NRC. I spend time with these people - countless hours. And, in fact, have become friends with many of them. Life-long friends. Accountability partners. And believe me ... you don't want to hear most of them sing!! LOL!! The praise team is just another ministry that I have the profound privilege to be part of - as is the case in any ministry I serve in (global outreach, LifeShare, Single Impact, SoulCare, etc.). They are my brothers and sisters.
Anonymous, I don't want to sound judgmental, but I have to say that your accusation is nothing but a cutting remark intended not as edification, but as cruel. Posting anonymous blogs is not a Biblical means to reproach someone for their ill behavior. I'm reading everyone's comments, and although I do agree with everything that my peers have said, I have to add my own reproach. This blog has weakened the spirit of a team whose one intent is to worship an Almighty God. It has made a team of worshippers question their sincerity and tempted them to bite into the lie that their devotion to worship has been minimized by their "off-stage performance."
I have sympathy for any hurt that this team has caused you, if that is the case, and would be glad to meet with you personally, but I cannot condone this type of behavior. It is unnecessary, and if only for a minute, has saddened heaven that worshippers of this level of dedication have silenced their songs to contemplate your allegations.
Anonymous, please do not buy into the lie that "freedom of speech" allows the right to say anything you decide to anyone you decide to say it to. To the contrary, that is the symptom of a poorly-bridled tongue. Wise men choose their words cautiously, as not to destroy others. And as is written in Ephesians 4:29, only allow words of edification to come from your lips.
To my teammates, I beg one thing: WORSHIP! Worship a God Who is more passionate about you than you can humanly conceive! Sing to the One Who is worthy! Let your gifts shine, not hiding them from anyone! Raise your voices with a shout of triumph, for His Name's sake! Rock the very foundations of that church with your worship - not bringing glory to yourselves, but leading a charge that not only storms the gates of Hell with its resonance, but one that moves the very heart of Heaven!! Seek His face! Seek His passion! Seek His approval! And in so doing, lead others to His throne.
At 12:10 PM ,
Anonymous said...
My heart has been very heavy & bothered after having made the foolish decision to leave you the "infamous anonymous blog", that evidently & certainly caused you pain. I have been restless in my spirit and have felt absolutely awful about my decision to leave the blog and am convinced that not only it was wrong, the timing could not have been more inappropriate (when so many of us are grieving over the loss of a great man, Ed)!!!
I am the one who misunderstood you all along, by allowing myself to be influenced by others who may comment out of UNGODLY motives. Your heart has been clearly conveyed in your responses, specifically Nancy, Bonnie & Mark, who were firm in their stance, yet so non-judgmental and loving in their response. Not only I feel ashamed, but humbled by your testimony. Yes, as I mentioned "we all still have a lot of growth to do" and I direct that mostly to myself. Yes, I am also a wimp, who did not have the courage to just approach you directly with my thoughts and in a more private manner. I sincerely hope that you will eventually find it in your hearts to forgive me, I have gone before the Lord in prayer for His cleansing and forgiveness and I genuinely regret any pain that I have caused you with my unwise decision to not be used as an instrument for your edification! You have all blessed me so many times with your service of Worship, please don't ever let that light stop burning! I am so very sorry!!!
At 1:02 PM ,
NancyJane said...
Anonymous, of course you are forgiven! Who would we be as we sit and ask for grace for our mistakes and then not be willing to forgive you? We all do things we wish we could take back when we are wrapped up in our emotions. Hopefully we all understand eachother a little better now and we have all learned something about living in the family of Christ. Once again, if I knew who you were...I'd hug you! Hope you have a great day.
At 2:52 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Anonymous...if you actually do know me, you already know how I feel. I have no room in my life for bitterness or hard feelings. I mean that whole-heartedly. I had forgiven you before you even asked for it...your initial feelings really did sadden me. I've had feelings of unworthiness before (more than you probably know), so I know the hurt that can come from that. Everyone wants to be accepted and affirmed. Good can, and has, come from this, so let's choose to look at it that way and learn from it. Please be assured that whoever you are, I love you. I mean that with all that is in me. I really, really do.
At 1:15 PM ,
Anonymous said...
WOW, Kristi
I just want to say how much I love you and how thankful I am that you have such wonderful, supportive, kind, loving friends...oh, hey - some of them sing?
I just watched as you spent most of a week impacting lives in amazing ways and never sang...well, except that derned bubble gum song...
Satan sure knows how to get in and make us feel terrible about ourselves - but I also find that this happens most often when we are being victorious in the Cause fo Christ.
Thanks for having brunch with me and the gang!
I LOVE you
Julie (definitely not a singer)
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